Buggo – Part 2 – The End

After awhile Mark got bored again and wandered off looking for something more to do. He began poking around in a closet and found a couple of old Halloween masks.

“Hey Lainey, look! You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

Lainey looked up and grinned.

“You really are evil. Sure, why not.”

Mark checked to make sure his mom and aunt were still out back talking to the neighbour and put on the masks. Mark chose the devil mask, leaving Lainey with the scream mask. He perched his on his head and opened the screen door and called out.

“Hey, Tommy, come in here and look at what we’ve got.”

He closed the door and motioned for Lainey to hide. Tommy came running in and they jumped out.

“Boo!”

Tommy let out a blood-curdling scream and their mother came running in.

“What’s going on? Who’s hurt?”

Mark and Lainey were rolling on the floor laughing. Tommy was staring daggers at them.

“C’mon you two knock it off. Can’t I leave you kids alone for even a minute?”

She went back out shaking her head.

Tommy put his hands on his hips, all righteous indignation. Sneering, he pointed a finger at them.

“Buggo! Buggo! Buggo!”

He stomped through the screen door and slammed it hard.

“Well that was fun. What’s with this buggo thing? You ever heard him say that before?”

“Nope. He’s not used to all the ants and grasshoppers and stuff here. We don’t have all that at home. I think he’s calling us bugs.”

Lainey shrugged and went back to watching television. Mark decided that wasn’t such a bad idea.

Over dinner that night Laura noticed Tommy wasn’t talking to his siblings. She gave her sister a look and was met with a shrug.

“Listen you two, I think you’ve been teasing your brother too much. I want you to take him into town tomorrow and buy him some ice cream. Try to be nice for a change. We’re only here for a few more days. Can you do that for me?”

Lainey and Mark nodded solemnly but exchanged knowing looks as soon as they weren’t being watched.

Have you got the tent ready for tonight? You might want to sleep with the flap open, it’s going to be warm.”

“Yeah, it’s fine mom. We’ll be alright.”

“Maybe your brother could spend the night out there too.”

Tommy began shaking his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Oh, alright then, Tommy, it was just an idea.”

Mark and Lainey exchanged relieved glances.

A few board games and some family home movies and it was time for bed. Tommy went without his usual fussing and Mark and Lainey grabbed a flashlight and went out to their tent.

An hour later Tommy got up and went to the window and looked down into the yard. He crept out of his room, went downstairs and let himself out the back door quietly. Rounding the corner of the house he found the old coffee can he had hidden under the porch and dragged it out. He peeled back the plastic lid and peeked inside, jiggling the can a bit. Satisfied, he snuck up to the tent and peered in. Mark and Lainey were sound asleep.

He slowly unzipped the mesh and took the lid off the coffee can and dumped the tarantulas he had collected onto their sleeping bags, zipped the flap back up and went back up to his bed.

He lay in the dark for what seemed like an eternity until the screaming and pandemonium commenced. He grinned and rolled over to go to sleep.

“Buggo”, he whispered and closed his eyes.

Buggo – Part 1 Of 2

Picking up a stick lying near by Lainey began drawing random patterns in the dirt. Mark stared off into space with his usual goofy grin plastered on his face and emitted a low sinister chuckle every few seconds.

“Whatever it is you’re thinking about doing, Mark, just forget it, okay? I’ve had enough for today.”

Lainey was in no mood for an argument but Mark took no notice of her.

“Here’s what I think. You know all those earthworms we saw at the back of the house yesterday? We dig some of them up and we go in the house and fry them up and put them between two slices of bread and we tell him it’s a bacon sandwich and watch him eat it.”

He was laughing so hard he was having trouble breathing. Lainey gave him her best evil stare but he wasn’t having any.

“Oh, c’mon, it’ll be great. I swear he’ll love it. He’ll eat every bite.”

Standing up Lainey put one hand on her hip and stabbed him in ribs with the stick.

“Hey, what the hell!”

“You’re evil Mark.”

“Oh right, like you don’t enjoy playing pranks on him. He’s our little brother, Lainey, it’s what we’re supposed to do.”

“Mark, it’s not enough that you got him with those water balloons this morning? Honestly, I know we’re on vacation but you could be doing other things to have fun.”

“Yeah? Like what? It’s boring here is all.”

They had been staying with their mother’s sister in the back country of east Texas for the last two weeks and after exploring the creek and the nearby fields in the first few days they had quickly learned there was nothing much of interest. It was hot and dry and they weren’t used to all the crawling things they encountered. They had gone into town a couple of times, but with a population of less than five thousand it wasn’t exactly a children’s paradise. Not even a movie theatre.

“I don’t know. They have a soda fountain at the store in town. Maybe we could talk mom into giving us some money and we could go get some ice cream.”

“Yeah, but she’ll make us take Tommy with us.”

Lainey rolled her eyes and went back to drawing patterns in the dirt. Tommy was five, four years younger than Lainey and six years younger than Tommy. They just couldn’t relate to him. Being that he was their half-brother didn’t help matters.

As they sat wondering what to do next Tommy came around the back of the house and walked past them without so much as looking at them. They exchanged a look. It wasn’t like Tommy to ignore them. He usually wanted to be involved in whatever they were doing.

“Hey Tommy, what’s up?”

Tommy stopped and turned slowly and pointed a finger at Mark.

“Mark bad. Buggo!”

Mark laughed and elbowed Lainey.

“Okay, Tommy. What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tommy glared at him and raised his voice.

“Lainey bad too. Buggo!”

He toddled off down the path leaving his siblings staring after him, perplexed.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Lainey shrugged. “He’s five.”

They both laughed and went inside to watch some television.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Getting Clear – Part 2 – The End

Andrew went to a cabinet on the wall and took out a bowl and stick of some sort. He showed it to Zian.

“Singing bowl. It settles the chakras. Continue breathing deeply.”

Zian breathed and Andrew struck the rim of the bowl and began moving the striker around the rim slowly. A low vibrating tone filled the room and he moved the bowl around Zian’s body as he played it.

Zian had never seen such a thing before, but the sound was not unpleasant. Still, he couldn’t imagine how this was going to unblock him.

After several minutes Andrew stopped and put the bowl away then came back and stared at Zian.

“Your aura is still muddy my friend. This blockage is serious indeed. Let us try another tack.”

He told Zian to stand up and guided him to a massage table near by. He motioned for Zian to lie down and place his hands at his sides. Moving back to the cabinet he took out some objects that Zian recognized as crystals of various sorts.

“We will try crystal purification. Lie still.”

Andrew placed the crystals along the chakra points and went to his desk and inserted a cd in the player. Sitar music filled the air and he returned and chanted over Zian’s body. Zian was becoming alarmed by this time and waved a hand to indicate he wanted to sit up. Andrew touched his shoulder in reassurance.

“Be still, mate, try to become one with the flow. Let the sacred energy harmonize all and bring you into alignment. Do not fear, you will be unblocked.”

Twenty minutes later he removed the crystals and put them away. Returning to the table he had Zian sit up and stood back and looked at him. Frowning, he stroked his chin and thought.

“Your aura is still like mud my friend. What could this blockage be? Stay here while I go look something up.”

He went to his desk and got out a book and began looking through it. Zian was beginning to despair and as he looked around the room he remembered the card he had been give by the general practitioner.

As Andrew returned to the table he held it out to him

“Look, I have card. You are doctor to unblock me, yes? They send me here.”

Andrew took the card and read it.

Joshua Abrams M.D.
Proctologist
213 Greenlane Road
Room 201
Epsom

“Oh. Sorry mate. Second floor, first door on the left.”

Zian took the card and walked out of the room as bewildered as he had been when he walked in.

The End

Getting Clear – Part 1 of 2

Leaving the doctor’s office Zian stared at the card he had been given. Unable to make out exactly what sort of specialist he had been referred to he sighed and put it in his pocket. He had a map so at least he could make his way to the location of the doctor’s office. He had been given to understand the doctor was expecting him so he decided not to fret.

He had been in New Zealand for only a month and he suspected the stress of adjusting to his new life was part of the problem he was experiencing. He missed Hong Kong, and more, he missed his wife and children. He would work with great diligence and zeal so that he could bring them soon, but this problem he was experiencing was making that very difficult and so he had sought medical attention.

He had asked the few Chinese he had met so far where he might find a reliable acupuncturist or herbalist but they all seemed to have adopted western medicine as the answer to their health problems and so he’d had no choice but to avail himself of the local clinic. He didn’t know his way around yet and found the phone book too confusing to be of any help. He had learned only minimal English in Hong Kong, and though he studied hard since arriving in his new country he still struggled to make himself understood.

Three visits to the doctor and examinations and pills he had been given had not had the desired effect and so it was he had been given a referral.

Arriving at the building he had been directed to he went inside and studied the directory. It was so confusing! He couldn’t locate the name of the specialist so he wandered down the hall of the first floor in the hopes of finding someone who could help.

As he passed an open door he caught a whiff of herbs that he was familiar with. Good, he thought, perhaps this is the place. He went inside and was greeted by a man wearing an odd tunic. He had long hair and a beard. He looked much different to the doctors he had seen before. His aspect was more that of the young white people who had come to Hong Kong in the late 60’s and 70’s, the ones who had called themselves hippies.

“Hello. My name Zian. I am looking for doctor who can help me. I am to be here. I am…blocked.”

“Ah, I see, you’re blocked. Well then, Zian, you’ve certainly come to the right place. It happens that I can help you. How wonderful that we meet like this, mate! My name is Andrew. Come, be seated my friend. Let us see what we can do to clear you.”

Confused, Zian sat down. He supposed he would be peppered with more questions he couldn’t understand, but remained calm.

“Now then, how long have you been blocked?”

Zian thought about the question.

“I…I am blocked since coming to New Zealand. I worry much. You can help?”

The bearded one nodded and smiled.

“My friend, of course I can help. I see your aura. It is very clouded and muddy.”

He began moving his hands in odd patterns around Zian’s body and chanting words Zian couldn’t understand. What manner of medicine is this, he thought. It was certainly not the sort of thing the doctors at the clinic did.

Noticing the look on Zian’s face Andrew stopped and looked deeply into his eyes.

“My friend, I am going to clear you. You will be blocked no more.”

Bewildered, Zian nodded his head and forced a smile.

Part 2 tomorrow.

The Golem

I am told my name is Adam. I don’t know what that means. I have never known. I think there must be many things I don’t know, for I am constantly in doubt about what is going on around me. One thing I do know is that I have to do what I am told to do by the man who comes to me when no one else is around. I learned a while ago not to talk about him to others. I think it was talking about him that got me where I am now.

I don’t know what this place is. They keep me locked in this room. Sometimes they tie me down and then stab me with sharp points that put something inside me and then I feel calm. Sometimes it makes me sleep. They won’t give me the clothes I had before I came here. I have only this thing that goes over my head and ties at the back.

These people who come to me and ask me questions are called doctors, or so I am told. I don’t like them. I don’t like the other ones who come and give me food much better, but at least they don’t ask me questions I can’t answer. Like questions about the ones I killed. I told them the man made me do it but they won’t listen to me.

They also ask me where I came from and how I feel and other things that make no sense to me. When I get angry they tie me down again. If I talk about the man and what he makes me do they stab me with those points. I don’t like that. So now I won’t answer any more questions. I don’t want to be angry any more.

Once I heard them talking about me. About how I killed those people and the things I did to them. They think I should be feeling something about that, but I don’t know what it is. I only do what he makes me do. I don’t know why I have to obey him. He scares me.

I never know when he will appear. I can’t hear him coming like I can other people. He just appears and I am so scared I can’t move. He comes and whispers things in my ear and then I go where he tells me go and I do what he tells me to do. I don’t think the doctors know all of the things I have done. I won’t tell them. I only do what I am told.

Now they have turned off the lights like they do every night. I am supposed to sleep but I am afraid. I can feel that he is coming. I have not seen him since they brought me to this place. I thought he must not know where I am but I can feel him now.

He is here. He appeared at the end of the bed. He is moving toward me. I can’t move. The fear is upon me. He is leaning over me, whispering in my ear. I feel myself getting sleepy.

…..

A figure dressed all in black with a long cloak pries open the mouth of the creature in the bed and reaches in to remove a false molar at the back of the mouth. He takes out the shem secreted in the tooth and unrolls and examines it. It reads אמת (emet, truth). He erases the א (aleph) forming the word מת (dead). He replaces the shem in the tooth and puts it back.

The following morning when the duty doctor makes his rounds he finds the patient known as Adam has passed away in his sleep. A routine autopsy proves inconclusive and the case of the unknown homicidal schizophrenic becomes one more closed file in the asylum’s record storage.

A Dummy’s Revenge – Part 2 – The End

He nodded his head and stared hard at Kent.

“What? You got somethin’ for me? I told you to can it, Manny, I ain’t in the mood. Now go get us a couple of sandwiches. You know what I like.”

He leaned in and whispered.

“I gotta figure out how to approach these guys. You gotta do it right. It don’t help havin’ a doofus at the table. Now scram.”

Manny picked up his bag and took out the wooden dummy he had carved for himself and put it on the seat.

“What the hell is that? You playin’ with dolls now?”

“Don’t worry about it Kent. Just don’t touch it, okay?”

Kent shrugged and looked over at his prospective employers, his brows knitted in concentration. Manny went into the deli. Kent waited for a break in their conversation and made his move.

“Hey guys, how’s it goin’?”

They looked at him as though he were something one of them had found crawling on their pant leg.

“How’s what goin’? Do we look like we’re wantin’ company over here?”

Kent sized up the questioner. He decided discretion was the better part of valour and shrugged.

“I’m just sayin’.”

Manny was watching from behind a planted shrub by the doorway. He took a deep breath and gave a year’s worth of hard practice his best effort.

“Who the hell would want to keep company with you assholes anyway?”

It was perfect. The voice really seemed to be coming from his dummy sitting opposite Kent, and the kicker was that it sounded just like Kent. Heads turned in unison and Kent was bug-eyed and staring all around.

“What did you say dick wad?”

“Uh, I didn’t…I’m just sittin’ here. Honest.”

The collection of knuckle-draggers looked at each other as if they couldn’t believe what had just happened and looked around.

“I’ll bet between the five of you you’ve got maybe half a brain.”

Now they were on their feet and Kent had gone pale. His heart was racing, his jaw was moving but his mouth was so dry he couldn’t speak.

The largest of the lot made a fist and pounded it into his other hand.

“You got balls, asswipe, I’ll say that for you. Got any more smart ass remarks to make before I pound you into the cement?”

Kent threw his hands up.

“Guys, I swear it wasn’t me. I wouldn’t say that shit. No way!”

“Is that right? So, what, it was your dolly over there, was it?”

This brought gales of laughter from the other four. Manny’s chest swelled with pride. All of his hard work had come to fruition. Years of pent up frustration with Kent came rushing to the fore. Kent was sweating bullets.

“Guys, please, I don’t know what’s goin’ on. I’ll just go, okay?”

They glowered at his and huddled to confer.

“Besides, your ugly mugs are makin’ my stomach turn.”

Kent let out a high-pitched squeal, stared at the dummy for a moment and turned to run. He didn’t even make it ten steps. As they dog-piled on him fists rained down on his face and steel-toed boots made contact with his kidneys. Unholy grunts could be heard above the din. Manny strolled to the table and picked up his dummy, put it in the bag and walked away.

Yes, he was definitely ready for the big time. Tomorrow he would see about getting interviews with some agents to show them his talent. He took out his dog-eared book. Ventriloquism Made Easy. Well, not exactly he thought to himself, but hard work did pay off.

A Dummy’s Revenge – Part 1 of 2

His nose buried in the dog-eared paperback Manny almost didn’t notice Kent approaching. As soon as he did he jammed the book into his back pocket and pulled his shirt tail down over it.

“Hey doofus, whatcha doin’, starin’ off into space?”

“Hey Kent. I was just waitin’ for ya.”

Kent punched him on the arm and mussed his hair.

“Ow. Why you gotta do that Kent? You know I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like a lot of things doofus. So what? Hey, whatcha got in the bag?”

“Oh, just some laundry and stuff. So whatcha been doin’ today?”

Kent picked his nose and flung the nugget onto the curb. He spit after it for good measure then ran his fingers through his greasy hair.

“Important stuff, that’s what. Nothin’ you’d know about.”

Kent reached down and dragged Manny to his feet. C’mon, let’s see what’s what.”

They shuffled along the avenue, a couple of ne’er-do-wells in a sea of the same, such was the neighbourhood they called home on the down side of town. No one gave them so much as a second look.

Manny was deep in thought.

“Hey Kent, there’s sumthin’ I been meanin’ to talk to you about…”

“Yeah? Well put it on ice Manny, I ain’t in talkin’ mode right now.”

Manny’s mouth set in a grim line, but he kept it shut and trudged on.

“So look Manny, we need to get some dough. This bein’ broke all the time ain’t cuttin’ it.”

Manny got a queasy feeling.

“This is what I think. You know those hard-asses down on Biltmore St.? They’ve moved into dealin’ weed, leastways that’s what I heard. I’m thinkin’ maybe we could buddy up with them and be runners or sumthin’, what do ya think?

“Oh, I dunno Kent, those guys don’t really know us. Why would they wanna do anything for us?”

“See, that’s your problem doofus, you’re all negative all the time. You gotta be, um, enterprisin’, that’s what. You ain’t gonna get anywhere thinkin’ small.”

Manny kept his head down and stumbled along. Oh, he was enterprising all right. Kent didn’t know everything there was to know. He would soon though.

“What, you got nothin’ to say?”

“Well, I do, but you told me you didn’t want to talk Kent. Geez, I was just…”

“Never mind doofus, there they are, sitting outside that sandwich place. Let’s go get somethin’ to eat and sit near them. I’ll see if I can talk to them.”

They sat down at the next table with a couple of beers while Kent tried to think how to approach them.

“Listen Kent, we gotta talk. I need you to stop pickin’ on me all the time. I got ideas, see? I got me a plan. I been workin’ on…”

Kent slammed his beer down.

“Look Manny, you don’t like the way I treat you then you can just fuck off, got that?”

Manny’s face reddened and he stared hard at Kent.

“You should treat me better Kent.”

Kent laughed in his face and took another swig. Manny looked over at the hard-asses and made a decision.

Part 2 Tomorrow

In The Manner Of Mischief

Decisions, decisions. What to wear? It all depends on where you’re going, Eddie mused. There was that new place down on Elm St. he had cased last week. Sure, why not. The Armani it is then. He laid out his outfit and took a shower. Dressed, he checked his look in the mirror. Steel grey with dark pinstripes. Pale blue Pierre Cardin shirt with purple and silver striped tie. The ensemble set off with understated gold cufflinks. Perfect. He got out his disguise kit and put on the finishing touches.

Walking in to the bar he cast a practiced eye over the crowd. Yuppies. God bless them one and all. Always cashed up and ready for an adventure after they had a few drinks in them.

He strolled around eavesdropping. Things weren’t looking too promising until he spotted three dapper young men at a corner table. He counted the shot glasses. Perfect. Between the mugs and the glasses they’d all be heading for the can soon.

One of them stood up. Eddie glided in behind him as he headed for the bathroom door. Out came the wallet. He scanned the driver’s license and popped the wallet back in, the whole process done in less than twenty seconds. Eddie was a pro of the highest order.

Fifteen minutes later he had them all sorted. He headed to the bathroom to remove his disguise. He’d have to move in before they decided it was time to call it a night. He got himself a drink and strolled over to their table.

He stood at a discrete distance and stared at them. Finally one of them noticed and stuck his chin out.

“Hey pal, what’s the story? Maybe you should take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Eddie grinned and walked over to the table.

“No need for that. Sorry to stare, it’s just that I felt strong vibrations coming from this table and I was trying to get a feel for why that was.”

The other two were gawking at him now as though he were a sideshow freak.

“Did you say vibrations? What are you, some sort of hippy-dippy new age freak?”

They laughed in unison, one of them slapping the table causing his beer to slosh. The other two high-fived each other.

“Not exactly,” Eddie allowed. “I’m a psychic.”

Staring at him anew they broke into even louder laughter, drawing the attention of those around them.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Eddie didn’t wait for an answer. He folded his hands on the table for a moment and looked at them, then put his fingertips on either temple and closed his eyes.

“Yes. Uh huh.”

He nodded his head and affected a grave look.

The one who hadn’t spoken yet piped up.

“What the hell is this? You’re no psychic. All those people are charlatans.”

Eddie sighed.

“I get so tired of hearing that. Sometimes I wish people would put their money where their mouth is.”

“Okay wise guy. How much are we talking here?”

Eddie shrugged.

“You’re the doubters. You tell me.”

They talked amongst themselves in low voices and got out their wallets.

“We can cover a thousand. Too rich for you, wise guy?”

Eddie shook his head.

“No problem. Here’s the bet. I’ll prove I’m a psychic by telling you what each of your exact birthdays is. Fair enough?”

They stared at him for a moment and then looked at each other.

“You’re on.”

They slapped the cash down on the table. Eddie did likewise.

He put his fingers to his temples and concentrated then started from the left and pointed at each of them in turn.

“February 8th, 1978, April 23rd, 1980, January 17th, 1979.”

As their jaws dropped Eddie continued.

“You, you’re going to be offered a chance to buy into a new block of condos going up soon, it’s a great deal, go for it. You, start paying more attention to your wife. Save yourself some heartache. You, get a physical soon, your health needs attending to.

As they stared wide-eyed Eddie picked up the money.

“A pleasure, gentlemen. You might want to consider being more open minded in the future.”

He headed for the street, another fine night’s work concluded.

In The Space Before Knowing

Upon opening it’s eyes it felt the usual things in the same order they always came. First there was the hunger. The gnawing, relentless hunger it could no longer remember what it was like to be without. The unquenchable hunger. Then came annoyance as the thoughts rushed in. It went through the ritual of trying to determine how long it had been in this desolate place, knowing that was pointless. Time did not exist here. Indeed, nothing existed here except it.

It began moving about. Somehow it had to discover what it was that would bring about The Time Of Change. For surely that was due. It had to be. It could not imagine otherwise. Indeed, it would not do so. There was no way back. There was only stasis or change.

As it roamed it tried once again to remember The Time Before. Sometimes the mind played tricks. It would imagine that the time had never been. That the time was only an idea it had dreamed to give itself hope. That simply could not be. It could remember the smells. The memory was dim, but it was undeniable. The smell of fear. Followed by the smell of terror. Followed by the smell of death. Yes. It was all true. The time would come again.

It had long since become accustomed to endless nothing. That no longer bothered it, if in fact it ever had. It changed direction, inasmuch as that was possible when there were no reference points. That mattered not. There was nothing to encounter. It stopped and inhaled deeply. Still nothing. That would be the harbinger of change though, somehow it knew.

All at once its senses became heightened. It looked about quickly but everywhere was the vast unchanging nothing. Still, every ounce of it’s being told it to be alert. It sniffed once again. Yes. A faint smell of…what? Something unfamiliar. It moved slowly in the direction the smell seemed to come from. A short time later a dim outline appeared on the horizon. A vague memory began to crystallize. It began running. There. At last. Why now, it wondered? No matter. The Time Of Change had come.

It crept up to inspect. A tree. That’s what it was, a tree. It turned the word over in its mind. The word was both foreign and familiar all at once. Cautiously it reached out and in the moment of contact it felt the change commence. It was painless and acceptance came naturally. When the change was complete the serpent slithered across the ground that had somehow formed beneath it and looked around the now lush landscape. Looking up at the tree once more the serpent coiled itself around it and moved upward to the lowest branch. Now came the waiting.

The serpent knew what came next. It was all coming back now. How many times had this played out? There was no way of knowing. The serpent heard them coming and shot out its forked tongue to smell them. All was good.

………

As they approached the tree he stopped and shook his head once more.

“We’re not supposed to be here. You know that.”

“Were we not told that all of this was ours to do with as we wished?”

“All but this. Don’t you remember?”

She frowned and looked at the shiny object hanging from the lowest branch of the tree.

“But I want it. Look, is it not beautiful? Let’s just try it. Come on.”

She took his hand and pulled him forward. As they reached the tree the serpent slithered into view along the branch.

“Do you want it? It’s wonderful. Pluck it and take a bite. You really should.”

Eve reached up and grabbed the apple and took a large bite and held it out to Adam. He took it from her hand reluctantly and bit into it. The serpent smiled.

Love Child – Never Meant To Be!

There are rumours going around. Now, we all know how it is with rumours. Still, these have a certain ring to them that make them hard to dismiss out of hand. I’m talking about infamous people who are reputed to be the illicit offspring of other famous and/or infamous people.

Perhaps you’re unaware of these rumours. Perhaps you have better things to do with your time than listen to idle gossip. If so, good for you. If not, consider the following:

Could it be true that Glenn Beck is the love child of Richard Nixon and Anita Bryant?

Or how about this:

Is it really possible that Sarah Palin is the love child of Pat Boone and Dolly Parton? Think about it. The ages fit. A conspiracy of silence is not out of the question, I tell you!

Are you sensing a theme here? No matter, take this into consideration:

Is it really so far fetched that Ann Coulter could be the love child of Strom Thurmond and Margaret Thatcher?

I think not. These are questions. Questions without answers. Let us continue:

What chance is there that the rumour that Bill Gates is the love child of Warren Buffett and Leona Helmsley could be true? Ask yourself that one!

Scoff if you must, but there is method to this madness! Does evil beget evil? Do bears shit in the woods? Is the pope German? Do you see where I’m going with this?

How about David Duke, former grand wizard of the KKK. Is it so far fetched that he’s the love child of George Wallace and Minnie Pearl? I think not.

Remember Jeffrey Dahmer, the infamous cannibal that was killed in prison? Do you thing George Hamilton and Nancy Reagan shed any tears over their illicit offspring?

So many questions, so few answers. Let us consider one more. A real shocker, this one, but bear with me:

Donny and Marie. From out of nowhere comes Britney Spears. I know, I know, kinda makes you wanna throw up, don’t it?

Still, something to consider, eh? There are forces at work in this world that we are unaware of, folks. Perhaps it’s better that way…