Life With Harry – Part 2 – The End

I run some errands and put Harry out of my mind for a while. Returning home I walk in to find Harry sitting in a corner of the living room with a rolled up magazine in his hand, his eyes wild.

“Harry, what’s up? What the hell are you doing?”

He has the look of a hunted man. “There’s a big one in here Carl. I told you it could happen. We might have to move out.”

I put away some groceries and think things over. Going back out to the living room I crouch down in front of him.

“Harry, look, we’re not in any danger. Are you saying you saw a spider?”

“It was huge, Carl. Big and scary. It tried to kill me. We gotta get out of here.”

I think for a moment. “Okay, Harry, where is it now?”

“I don’t know. It’s hiding.”

“Well where was it the last time you saw it?”

Now he’s doing this thing he does when he gets overwhelmed, putting his hands over his ears and bugging his eyes out.

“I don’t know, Carl. It tried to get me and I…I ran. I didn’t see where it went. It’s evil, Carl. It’s got a…”

“Yeah, I know, Harry, a tiny face. Look, next time you see it just come get me and I’ll sort this out, all right?”

This is getting exasperating. I’m worried that he’s really losing it now. I really don’t think there’s any spider, and if there is it’s one damned clever arachnid. I put on some music to change the mood and after awhile Harry seems to be back to normal. Well, normal for Harry anyway. He’s reading the magazine he was going to defend himself with, so it seems he’s over the spider thing for now.

I sit down at the computer to do some web surfing and forget about Harry for a while. I can hear him behind me after awhile and he’s talking to himself softly. At first I think he’s just reading out loud but a few minutes later it occurs to me he’s having a conversation with himself. I try to listen a little more carefully without alerting him and I can’t believe what I finally tune in to.

He’s on about the spider again. Worse, he’s actually talking to it as if it’s there. Telling it he’s not going to let it win, that he’s going to get it and such. I hear him going into the kitchen and just as I’m about to turn around to see what’s going on there’s a searing pain in my head and everything fades…to black…

…

“Hello, Mom?”

“Harry, what a nice surprise. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Um…Mom, I think you better come over quick. It’s not good Mom, not good at all.”

“Harry, what’s the matter? Where is Carl?”

“Well, see, there was this spider. It’s been trying to get us all day. Then I killed it Mom.”

“You killed a spider Harry? What did you kill it with?”

“A frying pan, Mom. The big cast iron one we use to cook bacon and stuff.”

“Oh my, dear. Where was the spider when you killed it?”

“Well, you see, it was crawling up Carl’s back, and I went and got the frying pan, and then it was on his head…and, well, Carl won’t wake up Mom. I think you better come over right away…”

Life With Harry – Part 1

So I walk in the room and I see Harry is thinking about something. He’s thinking hard. I can always tell when Harry is thinking hard. He chews his lip and frowns. Sort of a dead give away. I know I’m gonna regret it, but I ask anyway.

“So Harry, what is it?” He doesn’t answer at first. Then he gives me this real serious look.

“I don’t trust spiders.”

Great. “Okay, Harry, why don’t you trust spiders?”

“You can never tell what they’re thinking.”

This can only get worse. “Why is that Harry?”

“Because they have tiny faces, that’s why.”

Here’s the thing about Harry, you don’t have to spend more than a few minutes talking to him to know he isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. Anyway, he has some redeeming qualities, and I sort of promised his mother I’d look out for him, so we’ve been roomies for a couple of years now.

Being as how I’m bored I do the masochistic thing and pursue the matter at hand. “So what’s the story with spiders, Harry? What does it matter that you can’t trust them?” I leave out the idea that spiders aren’t something you trust or don’t trust; it doesn’t pay to get too metaphysical with Harry.

“They’re sneaky, Carl. Sometimes they move in weird ways, and then they run at you. You can’t trust them, that’s all. Tiny faces, Carl. It’s not good.” He gives me an exasperated look that says he shouldn’t have to explain this.

I’m tempted to point out the size difference and that they can’t really do much harm, but that would be futile. I try a different tack.

“I haven’t seen any spiders, Harry. But when I do I just catch them and put them outside. It’s never been a problem.”

He looks at me as if I were something he’d discovered on the bottom of his shoe. “You know something Carl, I don’t think you understand.”

I decide to drop it since it can’t possibly get any better. I shrug and put on some music, hoping to lighten the mood. My hopes are soon dashed.

“Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t here, Carl. You need to know that.” Harry doesn’t look at me while he’s making this pronouncement.

I mull this over for a moment and consider my next move. It’s like that a lot of the time. I decide to just let it go by in the hopes he’ll get distracted, he usually has the attention span of a six year old, but today is different.

“For all you know, there’s a spider crawling up your back right now. And you have no idea why he’d be doing that, Carl. Yep. A big, poisonous spider. But you know what? He’s got a tiny face, so you wouldn’t know what he was thinking even if you could see him. That’s a fact, Carl.”

I can see there’s no way out of this short of leaving, so I decide to go for a walk. “I’m going out for awhile, Harry. You watch out for spiders now, you hear?”

His eyes are like saucers. “That’s not funny, Carl!”

“See you in awhile, Harry.”

Part 2 tomorrow…