Opening his new eyes Walter took in his surroundings and found it all curious, if a bit strange. He tapped the side of his head with the heel of one hand in an attempt to fine tune his visual acuity and found it satisfactory.
He stood up and took a few exploratory steps. He was a bit wobbly at first but got the hang of it in a matter of minutes. A woman walking her dog along the path noticed his unsteady gait and addressed him as she approached.
“Sir, are you all right?”
He rotated his head in her direction; unaware that a one hundred and twenty degree turn was not normal.
“What does that mean?” he inquired, wondering at the look of alarm on her face.
She scurried away from him as quick as she was able, as he looked on, baffled by her reaction. Perhaps this isn’t going to be as easy as I was led to believe he thought.
He practiced moving his limbs and turning his head until he felt comfortable and then set out along the pathway through the park on his mission. He saw a group of teenagers coming towards him. Good, the thought, young ones. Perhaps I can engage with them.
“Greetings young people. A fine day today, isn’t it?”
A couple of them exchanged glances and then burst out laughing, followed by the rest.
“What’s your story dufus? What planet are you from?”
They continued laughing at him and Walter struggled to make sense of the questions. At last the word planet formed meaning for him and he came up with a response.
“Ah, yes, I see. Well, the name of my home planet is unpronounceable in your language, you lack certain consonants, so I regret I cannot give you an answer, but I am quite enjoying yours.”
The laughter turned to harsh looks as they took in what they were hearing. The leader of the group spoke up.
“What the…you some sort of comedian asshole, is that it? How would you like to get your ass kicked?”
Another question, Walter noted. He supposed he had better formulate an answer, it was supposed to be the best way to engage with them. He considered the meaning of the words but was puzzled by ass.
“Please excuse me. Where is my ass located? I would very much like to answer your question but I need this information before I can respond. You have my permission to touch my ass if that would expedite matters.”
A low buzz emanated from the group as the alpha male balled his fists and advanced on Walter.
“Oh, so you’re a fag, is that it? You’ve got balls asking me to touch your ass, butt head.”
Walter processed the information. Several of the words were simply beyond his ability to interpret. It occurred to him that more study of their language should have been conducted before contact was made. It was difficult enough coming up with a passable shell to make contact in but this was all proving to be too much.
“Balls? Are they related to ass? If you would simply touch my ass and balls I’m sure we could clear this matter up.”
As the youth stepped forward and threw a punch at his face Walter realized that matters had gotten out of hand. He grabbed the boy’s fist in one hand and used his other hand to pick him up and throw him into the group, several of whom were advancing on him. He realized he had used too much force as they were all thrown a distance of thirty feet back on the pavement.
He heard the cracking of bones and howls of pain as blood began to flow. He saw people running from several directions and decided it was time to end the experiment. He reached inside his coat and pressed a button on his communicator and was transported back to the mother ship.
There would have to be further investigation of this civilization before another attempt was made at contact.