Penis, Penis, Penis, Beaver Redux

New story tomorrow, I just wanted to take a time out here to update a piece I wrote last year called Penis, Penis, Penis, Beaver. Regular readers of my blog (oh c’mon, there are a few!) will recall that the piece concerned my amazement at a certain activity.

As all of you bloggers know you have access to various information about the activities of those who stumble upon your blog. One such bit of information is what searches people have performed that led them to your blog.

After a piece I wrote on spermology (the study of trivia), which contained shining examples of same, I began getting the occasional search that contained the word penis. This was probably due to the fact that one of the trivia items I included in that piece was that the Orca possesses the largest penis in the mammal world.

If you’re now wondering how big it is and what it looks like see my original post here:

At any rate, amongst the searches I began getting notice of were things like “world’s largest penis”, “world’s best penis” (that one still mystifies me), “world’s greatest penis”, “biggest dog penis” and “biggest horse penis”.

My all time favourite though was “picture of beaver penis”. I still can’t get over that one. I’ve spent way too much time trying to imagine what was going through the mind of the person who did that search. What sort of person surfs the net for pictures of a beaver penis? Veterinary students? I doubt it. I wish they’d contact me and fill me in.

So ever since the piece on spermology I get searches that involve the word penis on pretty much a daily basis. It’s become so common I don’t give it much thought. That is until yesterday.

Here are all the searches I got in one day:

longest penis of boy in world
the big penis book
the longest penis only the planet
walrus penis
two penis
stretching penis with pad lock pics
two penisis
enormous cat tiny person
monkey penis
domina worship
greek statue penis
photo surrealism dark
guy with 2 penises
diamond penis
sunken ships
pictures of men with d largest penis

Now this is beyond the pale. Though”the big penis book” actually exists; I saw it once in a bookstore in Tallinn, Estonia. “Walrus penis” is right up there with beaver penis on the WTF scale. “Monkey penis”, well, I’m not touching that one. “Two penisis” is interesting for incorrect spelling. The plural of penis is penii. “Greek statue penis”, well, I can only guess that they were looking for information on David by Michelangelo. Greeks, Italians, what’s the difference, right? Then again maybe not.

“Longest penis only the planet” is either a typo or they wanted to exclude the rest of the solar system, or possibly the universe from the search. Who know? But the new winner of the What The Hell Is That About? Prize is “stretching penis with pad lock pics”.

Folks, there are things going on that we should be grateful we don’t have a clue about. May it ever remain that way.


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