The Celebration Of The Long Pig

Jason stepped off the train in Ljubljana in the middle of an electrical storm late on a Sunday night. He surveyed his surroundings and quickly descended downstairs to a set of closed shops. Great, he thought, how am I gonna find a place to stay in all of this?

He trudged along and much to his delight he could see lights down the way, and a sign that read tourist info. He went in, crossing his fingers that someone could speak English. He approached the counter and asked about accommodation. The lady in charge was delighted to help, much to his relief, and told him there was a reasonably priced hotel not far away and he could get a cab topside.

This he did and found himself at a 70’s era communist block rooming house. He booked a room and took the elevator to his floor. Fumbling with the key, he sensed someone watching him. It was a girl, but oh man, not just any girl! She was gorgeous. Better yet, she was amused. She took the key without a word and opened the door.

He smiled. “My name is Jason”.

She grinned and replied “Magda”.

Damn. Welcome to Ljubljana.

“Where are you from”, she asked.

He told her and they engaged in a bit more small talk. He was drinking in her incredible hotness and then, much to his delight she said,

“Some friends and I are having a dinner party tomorrow night, would you like to come?”


She smiled thinly and said “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She took a card out of her pocket and handed it to him and headed for the elevator. He looked at the card. A Celebration Of The Long Pig, it said, followed by an address. How bizarre, he thought to himself. Oh well, a dinner and a chance to mingle with some real live Slovenians and a beautiful new friend and…who knows?

He spent the next day looking around the city. It was charming, with an imposing fortress on the hill, and lots of lush green parks. Strolling along the river he came to a bridge with a copper dragon statue on it. I wonder if that’s the long pig, he thought to himself. The city was beautiful, but he couldn’t get his mind off the quirky, incredibly beautiful girl and wondered what tonight would bring. He found a shop and bought a nice bottle of wine to bring. That evening he put on his finest duds and stepped out the door only to find Magdalena standing there.

“I thought i’d accompany you,” she said.

He beamed at her and they headed for the street. As they walked in the cool evening air he turned to her and said,

“So, what’s long pig”?

She smiled enigmatically and said, “Oh, that’s a surprise.”

He waited for more, but she seemed satisfied that she had answered his question. They soon arrived at the appointed address and walked up a long flight of stairs to an ornate door painted blood red. She knocked and they entered. She introduced him around and he was gratified to find they all spoke English quite well. They were an eclectic bunch and seemed very curious about Magdalena’s new friend. They quizzed him about his travels, and several of them touched him with familiarity, which he found a bit unnerving, but decided it must be a Slovenian thing. The host went into the kitchen and soon returned with shot glasses of an amber liquid. Magdalena handed him one and said,

“It’s Jagermeister, have you ever had it”?

He allowed that he hadn’t and she added,

“It’s an herbal liqueur, good for the digestion.”

They clinked glasses and downed their shots. Sure tastes odd, Jason thought to himself, but he said nothing, not wanting to offend his hosts. He looked at the group and they were all smiling that thin smile that he had seen on Magda a couple of times.

“So when’s dinner” he asked.

He began to feel light headed and stumbled a bit. As he righted himself he looked up. The last thing he saw as everything went dim was a room full of people grinning open mouthed, and every one of them had teeth that had been filed to razor sharp points, and there stood Magdalena with a long bladed fillet knife in her hand.



7 responses to “The Celebration Of The Long Pig

  1. interesting little story. StraightGospelnochaser……….love the look of you blog!

    • Why thank you. I had a look at yours, very nice. I especially like the post about Iblis. I recently put up a story named The Apostate And The Djinni, on this very subject.

  2. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. What works: everything is clean and terse, the way an MFA prof wants it.

    What fails: The cliche. Hostel. Dracula. Refuge of horror. Etc.

    All that’s missing is the ‘dun-duh-dun’ music and Vincent Price’s laugh. Is there any joke beyond the long-pig one? And I freakin’ love long-pig jokes, it’s why I’m getting on your case about it: do more with this than what you’re doing.

    Hail Bopp!

    • Hey, thanks for that. Constructive comments always appreciated. I didn’t intend the whole Vincent Price thing, but I can see how it could be taken that way. It was one of my early stories, my later stuff is more complex. In a good way.

  4. Wow…a whole story in so few words!! I think that’s great!

    Had read the Jack of Hearts story and can’t wait for the end!

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