Pronouncements From The Throne – Part 1

As he walked around his new apartment and breathed in the faint smell of new paint Louis allowed himself a satisfied grin. He had been looking for months for a suitable place near work that he could afford and he had finally found it.

His furniture wouldn’t be arriving until the weekend but he brought kitchen supplies and an inflatable mattress to sleep on so he would make do. He went out for some dinner and then took in a movie since he didn’t have his television or video player yet and then went home and got ready for bed.

He put on his pyjamas and went in the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Hearing his downstairs neighbour moving around he wondered how quiet the guy was. He hadn’t thought to ask the landlord, not that he would have gotten a straight answer. He was about to head for his mattress when nature called and he turned back and sat down on the toilet.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, that’s all I’m saying.”

He jumped up, his eyes wide and stared at the toilet. The sound had come from directly underneath him.

“Excuse me?” Nothing. Must be hearing things he thought. He sat back down.

“Are you not listening? I said you shouldn’t do that.”

This time he ran to the door before turning and staring at the toilet. There was no mistake about it. The sound had come from the toilet. He turned out the light and retreated to his mattress and tried to fall asleep. It wasn’t going to happen. He had to go.

Reluctantly he crept back to the bathroom and sat down gingerly and held his breath. No sound was forthcoming. He did what he needed to do and headed back to bed. It took longer than usual to fall asleep.

The next morning he took a shower and got dressed for work. He looked at the toilet several times but nothing was forthcoming. He stared at it one more time, shook his head and left. When he got to work the event of the night before was still on his mind.

“Hey Louis. You moved into the new apartment yet?”

“Hi Tom. Yeah, last night.”

“Nice place?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“What do you mean you think so? It either is or it isn’t.”

“Well, something strange happened. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Hey, gotta get some stuff done, why don’t you tell me about at break time.”

Louis headed for his workstation and got stuck into a report that was due and put everything else out of his mind. When he got to the break room Tom called him over.

“Hey buddy, have a seat.”

“Thanks Tom. How’s it going today?”

“Not bad. So tell me about strange.”

“What? Oh, the apartment.” Louis looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “Look, this is really weird but I swear it happened. I was getting ready for bed last night and I had to go so I sat down on the toilet and…don’t laugh, okay? The toilet started talking to me.”

Tom stopped his coffee cup halfway to his mouth and stared. “Say what now?”

“I swear it’s true. The damn toilet spoke to me.”

“Uh huh. Um, what did it say?”

Looking him dead in the eye Louis raised his eyebrows. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Tom burst out laughing in spite of himself and Louis joined him.

“You had me going Louis.”

“Tom, I’m not kidding. It really happened.”

Part 2 Tomorrow

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One response to “Pronouncements From The Throne – Part 1

  1. Hmmm…..what *is* going to happen here?

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